Hey Barry, not sure if you're looking for any specific feedback (or just looking to get views). So I'll just tell you what I thought. Mind you, I'm not going to watch a 24min video for review purposes, I scrolled through a lot of it because it seems fairly homogeneous.
The intro was way too long to be just thrown at the front. I'd recommend doing it after a short teaser, like many successful youtubers do, so you don't lose the audience in the first 10 seconds.
Commentary is solid, until the gameplay starts, then I can start to see how distracted you get by the game. Which is something you just have to work on I guess. Doing this sort of commentary is something I'm working on improving as well. Glad to see you're talking about things non-game related.
Audio and video quality are good.