Hey!
I might be a bit harsh here and I'm no expert but here we go!
- Channel -
Now, of course, your channel looks a bit empty but I have some suggestions to make the layout look a little better. First I would recommend hitting the gear to the left of your sub button and checking "Customize the layout of your channel" that will make your channel far more customizable and make it look just that much more professional. From there you can set categories and how they look.
Now your banner and avatar could use a bit more work. They aren't terrible but having matching and a good looking logo and banner helps. It increases trust for new viewers who look at your channel. I would suggest paying a designer or if you have the skills and equipment to make your own, go for it.
- Video -
I only watched 3mins of the video so if I say something that you correct later on, then I apologize.
First off, I like the intro but it cuts off very abruptly. Try adding a fade to the video and audio so it transitions a little smoother.
Your mic sounds pretty good. Better than most people's mics, so good job on that. Although my next issue sits with your commentary. You stay on topic well enough but it seems like it could improve a ton if you were playing or talking with someone else. You have moments where you don't say something and are obviously struggling to find something to say. Having an extra person there can help a lot.
Overall I like it and it looks like you could really go somewhere. Good luck!
