Here are my thoughts after 40 sec of watching
Intro kinda lame and you should be more thrilled. you sound like someone is making you do the video be more exited.
the good thing you have pretty good quality there.
Take into account the 5 second rule. Put a snippet of your most engaging and exciting moment before your intro then go into the video itself. Get a proper intro and make the video more exciting. Other than that great quality screen capture.
I liked it, but ill have to agree the intro was kinda bad and for this kind of video it wouldve been nice to see the most exciting part of the video in the beginning to hook you in (Hey i dont do this either so dont feel down) but besides that like i said before it was just fine